I finally had an evening free to game all the SWTOR I could want. Instead I saw a documentary with Mrs Dwism, played for an hour, then went to bed early.
There where a time, where I'd log on when i got home from work, scan the AH, do dailies, then prep for raid (then -sometimes- eat dinner).
I am the only 'main' left in my SWTOR guild that have not reached 50. I say 'main' because we have some members who rolled alts on our servers to hang out with us, when their Empire mains, are not demanding their attention. Hell, Mr. Calli has a main at level 50 and 3 alts who are closing in on my level 40 main.
Part of this is because I have a 6 month old child, but she goes to sleep at 7 at the latest, so that really should not interfere with evening gaming/raiding.
Another part is that, I think (hindsight and all that) that the gruel grinding of hard mode Lich king, and the following 8 months of no content to raid, killed my last love of raiding. Sure I can watch strat videos of fireland (and I still do, even though it's been.. oh boy 6 months, since I had an active wow account), and miss raiding. But I doubt I'd find time to clear anything *for* raiding. Even if I still believe that I'd still enjoy the actual raids in themselves, but it's been so long I don't really remember.
I stress to underline that no part of this, has anything to do with the game I am playing atm. Leveling in SWTOR is way more fun, than in WoW. Only time I ever got a bit tired of it, was when I hit 36'ish and I felt I had to level 2 levels up before I could continue on my class quests, and the story had JUST gotten to such a exciting point (again). As a matter of fact I try and postpone my class quests on each planet to as late as possible, so I can do those in one go. Nothing kills story more than having another exciting storyline come and distract you.
What I fear has happened
I fear, that I have outgrown gaming. I truly am afraid of that. So much of my identity is around me playing games in my free time. Hell, the reason I have the job I have, is because I play so many games, and know so much about games. I haven't touched my xbox since two hours right after I got Batman Arkham City home, and before that, not once in 4 months.
I dunno what I'd do, if I turn into someone who comes home from work, cleans a bit up, starts dinner and then spends the evening in front of the television, repeating the "whats on tonight" line. Night after night after night. That sounds very close to my version of hell.
Maybe it's the whole, 'life has kindda changed, your a dad' - thing. Maybe its because i'm turning 30. I'm not sure what the illness is, I just know what the symptoms are. And this patient, does not like what he is witnessing. I'm getting old
I fear that one day, I'll be in a permanent state of this:
I really hope, that when my babygirl gets to that age, when she wants to play with me, I'll have outgrown this thing, and be all like
"barbie-adventure dressup???? I've completed it TWICE, but for you my love, i'll play it again".
But for now, I'll just take a slight step back, log in when I feel like playing, and cross my fingers that I won't fall completly out of love with gaming. Because right now, the only thing that is keeping me playing anything, is the fantastic people in my guild, and the story of Star Wars The Old Republic.
I did it, made this whole post w/o using the "I'm getting to old for this... sh"