Wednesday, June 9, 2010

what class should I roll? stereotypical class descriptions

You know the type, loud as a motorbike, but wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight... Ever met a class/race combo in an instance and thought:

"I know you, I know just how you'll react you piece of complete and utter sh**t co**monkey with an @#%¤$ up in ¤T&@$ untill the nosebleeds will make you get the banana too"

The reason why you think this, is because you are a human being. Human beings are not capable of coping, understanding and interacting with more than a very small amount of people. So we stereotype. It is okay, we all do it. The pittfalls is not being aware of this. This usually makes you a racist. When you are unaware of your brains need to put everyone into tiny boxes, you end up using terms like: "dem niggers" "halfbreeds" or "M&S".

In a game like WoW you could fall into the same traps, and call other players, morons for rolling a night elf hunter and liking Tolkiens books, because you once ran into a complete tosser nelf hunter named "legolollz" that ganked and teabagged you very hard.

This doesn't mean that we can't play around with these stereotypes. There must (MUST) be some generel common points between me, and everyone else who knows that Dorfs are the bestest race in game (especially when we get to roll Warlocks).... Besides -you know- brains.

Why do pinkheaded mage-gnome-gurrrls all seem to be the same type? (Oh yes you do!!)
Yet, human male mages act completly different?

Im not being stereotypical, this is facts!

Let us look at some class/race combos*:

Gnome warrior (they are always female):
"Tehihihihi I am a cute little innocent guuurl, If you can't see me, its because I am so little and innocent and hiding beneath the bosses toenail. Yet, whenever I talk over TS, I sound just like a NFL Lineman". 

Female Nelf Priests:

These guys fall into two groups, those who want to heal, and those who want to shadow-pewpew
The wanting to be shadowpriests are:
Men, who want to have something cute to look at, yet still melt faces. I dare you to pug with one of these and say the following: "Just heal preist, that is all you can do" (use their class-description, not their name)

Those who just want to heal
Gurls who's emo-phase in life is not just quite over (if it was they would have rolled human), and thus their names are "eternalsorrow" "wintersdread" or "twilightsdawn"

Same difference can be found within male/female gender choices with paladins: any female paladins greatest joy, is to heal, any males, is anything BUT heal.

Dwarf Death Knight:
Just awesome. But if they are tanking, they might seem a bit grumpy. This might be that the highest praise they can ever achieve from anyone is: "that was amazing, for a DK" or "You guys are just overpowered, thats why you did X"

Gnome mages:
Didn't realise there was an option to roll hunter or warlock (you know, a REAL ranged class) so now they have drowned their sorrows in too much soda-pop-liquor, which makes them seem bubblegum cheerfull and happy with everything. 

Human anything:
What they lack in imagination, they make up for in bad excuses like: "We get more rep this way".

Human mages:
Male: Enjoy loud techno music, only, they do not call it techno, they call it things like: trance-urban-industrial-roll-drum-base-lo-fi.
Female: Lord only knows. They are not normal thats for sure.  

 Night elf hunters:
 Both dumb and slackers, and if they gank you, they are also bots. Have stupid names. 

Dwarf Warlocks:
Where in early beta, but their awsomeness, caused Blizzard to remove them from game. Somehow players achieved a "summon Ragnaros" spell, when they played this class. (he was the bomb back then)

 Undead Rogues:
They only had one thing smaller than their IQ, that was the size of their....

Anything Tauren:
If their name did NOT have some form of cow-joke in them, they are hippies and possibly communists.

Trolls (again, any class):
High, enough said

And finally: any player that ever used the term
"This nerf/dungeon/player/ability/anything is so gay"

 Are themselves struggling with their sexuality. Get to terms with it, and stop pestering the rest of with your insecurities, this is the internet, not the interweb of the 90's.

*Only one of these generalizations is true, so do not get your panties in a twist.


  1. Hm... I hope you don't suggest I'm serving that kind of crap at my inn! We've got proper drinks here. Ale. Scotch. Stout. Port. Wine for squishes like me. Teenage-wanna-be-drunk-asap drinks are not allowed!

    I giggled at your suggestion about a bubblegum cheerful approach to everything. I'm afraid it's pretty spot on, at least compared to all the cynics I see on a daily basis in the game and the community.

  2. I'm not suggesting that you *serve* it, but I am flat out saying that you are *drinking* it!! :D

    Only being happydrunk, could explain gnome mages attitude!

  3. You missed out saying how awesome dorf priests are....

  4. I would think that was a given...

    I consciously chose to avoid certain races and combos. Dwarf priests, Draenie males, and blood elfs, just to name a few. Most of these where for very different reasons though.

  5. you know it can be pretty difficult to stop self from stereotyping when (for example) the only non jerkish male gnome mage you've ever met was gnomaggedon :/